I have an illness. Well actually I have several. The typical treatments sometimes work, sometimes not. Since I was 18 I've lived my life around how sick or not, I am. The last 18 months or so have not been great. I am often told that I am in denial about the seriousness of how ill I am. That is probably true to some extent. I guess I'm frightened to understand or accept the severity lest I suddenly give in to it and believe that I am too ill to do anything. Even though I wasn't diagnosed until I was 18 years old, in retrospect I know I had the illness long before. So really, I don't remember my life without it. I don't know what it would be like to be able to get up and go to a job everyday and plan all your social activities without a contingency plan of possibly or realistically probably falling ill. I am hopeful thatal new treatment I start soon will solve part of the illness. Omitting one factor should hopefully make the other illnesses easier to bear. I often forget that most people don't have to plan their life around having major medical conditions. I have days where I forge ahead with no problems whatsoever and then I have days where everything is an effort and I wonder if I will ever feel well again.