Every now and then I get a horrible yet familiar felling of emptiness. It's a sensation that that make me feel like something horrible is about to happen, that the world might end. I can feel it in my stomach and my throat. A kind of hollow feeling that wants to be filled. I detest it, yet I wonder if there are times that I crave it. Maybe it's to ensure that I understand when I don't have that feeling, that everything will be okay. There is a sense of guilt, that I've done something bad and I cannot fix it. Even though I crave the feeling of euphoria constnatly, when I have this horrible feeling of emptiness, it reminds me that even just feeling ok, is better than feeling desperately empty. Sometimes it's easy to get rid of the feeling and other times it perists and consumes me for hours, and at it's worst, days. Today I have that horrible feeling. I'm in hospital today having a regular transfusion, so I guess I could lay down and go to sleep and hope that when I wake the feeling has gone.