Some days I get enormous pangs of guilt. I so often feel like a fraud and wonder if I should have to die if anyone discovered what's really going on in my head. It's as if I have to try and keep a straight face, not for the fear of laughing, but crying. Every now and then it shocks me when I look around me and realised this is where I am. How the hell did I get here. I remember when I was about 7 or 8 and wondering how it would be to be grown up. When I was little I couldn't wait to be an adult. Believe me, I wouldn't go back to being a kid for even a moment. It took me until my late 20's, early 30's before I could begin to be who I want to be and to actually show it. So today I sit and wonder where all that time has gone and occasionally worry that I won't have enought time left, whether it be my own doing or not.