Sometimes I hate the holiday season. When the shops are closed and families are tucked up inside their houses or off on holidays I feel like the whole world has disappeared. I feel so alone. Sitting here by myself waiting for my own little family to return. It's one of those days where I simply long to feel good or better. I'm up to day 51 and while I keep having little set backs I'd like to think I'm slowly but surely making it to where I should be, a better place where I can think like a normal human being. But the sky is grey and rain intermittently falls, making my mood plunge a little lower and I crave for something, anything to take away the gut wrenching feeling that sits just below the solar plexus. It feels empty and hurts.