A long hot day in Sydney. Was feeling quite normal, if not a bit too happy, until I drove home this afternoon. Suddenly the mood plummets and I've no idea where it came from. I woke at 5am this morning and didn't go back to sleep. I haven't done that in a long long time. Perhaps it's the 'early morning waking'. I long for that feeling of waking happy, to a bright new day that nothing can ruin. Today that feeling stayed with me most of the day, and now it's gone. So called experts tell you to 'sit' with the feeling. Sit there and go crazy! I don't want to sit with the feeling, I just want it to go away. How long can you 'sit' for before you go out of your mind and do something stupid or regretful? I want to wake to days that make me spin with excitement and happiness, days where nothing is too hard or complicated, everything is amazing and wonderful. Days like that are to be treasured, but they are also incredibly fragile. It only takes one thing to go wrong and suddenly you're plummeting back down further than you were before, then you constantly search, frantically search, hoping that you can speed back up the hill again to another fantastic day. I want to wake happy tomorrow. Today is technically day 3 of I don't know what! But so far, so good, no real relapse here, but oh how I long for there to be.