Today is one of those days when you wonder if you really can continue on like this. I wonder how I'll get through this. It's not just the turmoil in my mind, it's the absolute physical pain that goes with it. I know my immune system is so broken that there are days I wonder why or how I'm still alive. I tend to just keep going, pretending I don't have a choice and I try to put it to the back of my mind and pretend it's not happening, like I don't have to deal with it all. Then there are days where it's the only thing I can think about and it makes me angry, scared and completely and utterly sad. Today is one of those days.