I wish I could not care about how hard it would be to not be like this. Familiarity, even when the situation is not 'good' brings some comfort. If I keep going in this direction, I'll end up in a place where I thought I wanted to be.  I fear that once I get there I'll suddenly realise I don't want to be there. It will feel like wasted effort and energy on something that I put my faith in, and then it failed me. It's kind of like someone giving you  directions that you believe to be correct and then once you arrive at your destination you realise you're in the wrong place.  The longer you stay at your destination before figuring out you're in the wrong place the harder it will be to get back to where you were.  The longer the journey is the more fearful I am.