I thought lack of sleep might leave me in a confused state. But it seems lack of sleep and lack of food does something to the brain chemistry that makes one feel a little elated. The last few nights I've now laid down to sleep intil 4am or later and then I'm back up by 7am. Now it's 1am and I wonder if I should try and sleep. I'm the only one awake in the house. We are staying with family for christmas and all but me is sound asleep. Part of me wants to take the opportunity to stay awake all night so I can find some pleasure in being all alone with my thoughts, no one to interrupt and ask me questions. Tell me to eat, to drink, to sleep, ask what's wrong, what can they do blah blah blah. I know it's just a phase. Next week I'll probably be sleeping like a baby and craving chocolate morning, noon and night, but I hope not. Tomorrow I have to be up early to get organised to shoot a family wedding. It's going to be awfully hot. I hate the heat, but hopefully being fuelled by the elation of lack of everything one's body needs will make me fly. Now I will lay down and lay there thinking of bizzare situations and making little stories in my head. Stories that only I can see. Perhaps one day there will be certain people, or in particular a certain person that all will be revealed to. Wow, I can't even remember what number day this is supposed to be but all is well and I'm managing just fine. Problem is I compensate and substitute. It's not meant to be this way.