I am such a horrendous failure, I seek failure. It's like I need to fail so I won't have to live up to any high expectations. Which is interesting because many might say I have high expectations, particularly of myself. I was in a mild dream state today. While I tried to physically write my mind kept plunging into a partial dream like state. I kept looking down at the page only to see I'd written something entirely different than what I thought I was writing. It felt like I was languishing in a state of intense emotions that I had no control over, seductive yet slightly scary. I kept wondering if I was someone else. At times I was able to bring myself back to the present with a clear head space of exactly who I was and what I was supposed to be doing. Yet, at other times I felt I was floating back and forth in a cloudy haze of reality and a dream like state. Tonight that feeling has been relinquished, partially through physical loss and partly through a desire to take in the reality of my waking state. But now I shall try and sleep and will let myself drift off to sleep and let my mind go where ever it needs to.