Day 17. A am a failure. But some days I don't see it like that. Somedays I think I'd be more of a failure if I didn't indulge in behaviours that stop my soul from dying or stop me body and mind from falling apart and retreating into oblivion. I wonder how my body manages to keep working (just), and stop myself from falling to the depths of despair or the highest of high. Actually despite a failure today, I feel ok today. My breathing in constant, no heart palpitations from fear or excitement and no inhaling and holding my breath because I don't know what's coming next.