Blood rushes through my veins at too quick a tempo. Rushes to my stomach, causing dull aching pain. Then it drains, making me feel totally lacking in the liquid of life. I wish I could lie down and feel a dangerous, yet familiar and wonderful spreading of tingling and warmth through my body. I can't let it happen again though. To be numb is good, but it's isolating and lonely. It's also dangerous if you've convinced yourself you'll never need to deal with the pain, and then something happens that brings it all rushing to the surface and you've no control how, when, where or why this will happen.