Another day to wake too. So far so good. Shocking headache, could be new meds. The more I commit to myself the stronger I become. Don't know how long that can last for though. Today I promise myself I will start a new painting, finish reading a book. bake a cake, make dinner, do the ironing, make a skirt, have 3 cigarettes, drink 2 cups of strong coffee, allow myself 1 apple, make a plate for a meeting tonight, phone the babysitter, buy new ink, buy 4 new canvases, make 3 phone calls, buy 1 present and skip dinner. But the only thing I will do is go to the doctor and tell him this. See how it rolls off my tongue, too fast, too slow. What if he doesn't listen, what if I say too much or not enough. Momentarily it daunts me seeing the long list, but if I get up now and explode my into my secret head space I know I can do it.