I'm so tired. It's been a tiring day but I've also inflicted extreme sleepiness upon myself by letting myself lose control, or maybe willing myself to lose control. I love it when I'm this tired and if I let my eyes close I feel like I go straight into lucid dreaming, or maybe it's just a hypnogogic state. It's such an amazing feeling because I feel like I have the control to take myself in and out of a sleeping state, yet there is a feeling of the whole thing being totally out of control. So much of what I do seems to stem from an unwillingness to let my body thrive. There is a sense that if my body is not in a mild state of suffering then I am not learning or experiencing something worthwhile. I wonder how it feels for the body and mind to be connected in a calm and gentle state.