Today I received the equivalent of 20 peoples blood, in the form of gammaglobulin. It takes 10 donors per unit. The two units I have every four weeks equates to 20 people. Perhaps that's why my mind is so scrammbled. I literally don't know who I am. At the very least, I can tell you those 20 people must be somewhat verging on mad. When I feel that first cold flush of medicine pulse through my veins, I really do wonder whose blood, or rather blood product, I am getting. Was it a woman or a man, how old were they, are they boring, what do they like to do. I can only assume they are reasonably healthy as otherwise they probably wouldn't be able to donate. I can also probably assume that they are a somewhat altruistic, having wanted to donate blood in the first place. I have a lot to thank them for. All 20 of them, every four weeks. I realised today how having continuous medical treatment is such an everyday reality and experience for me. I met another lady who was so obviously a first timer. Her whole family was there to 'support' her. I don't even think of what I have done as being a big deal. It's just what I do to live. Mind you, that doesn't mean I haven't had times where I just want stop everything and see what happens, if I would die, even if it be by my own hand. However, the last few weeks have been so good. I haven't felt so good in years. Suddenly I have more energy and a much more positive outlook on life, even if it is somewhat screwed up.