Such a positive day. But am I denying the spiralling downwards that sometimes scares me to the bone. I think about how one little thing could bring everything undone and send me back to the worst I've ever been, or even worse. I try and imagine how it would be if I'd chosen to to retreat and deny myself the pleasures that I've had. Perhaps I'd be in a better state of mind, albeit a stagnant and boring state of mind. All I want to think about is how I can sustain the pleasure and the pain all in one hit.