I can't believe that I let myself go backwards today. But something good did come of it, I decided I didn't like the sliding back, in fact it made feel physically sick. Once you've got that connection it's really hard to go there again. I feel sickened by the whole thing and I think each day I'll wake feeling a little less desperate about things to come and forget that I ever wanted something spectacular. I hope to wake to a day where I simply get up and get ready and don't think about how much 'better' I could feel. Time is a great healer, and I think time will be kind to me. In fact, who knows, perhaps tomorrow will be a count down again from 1 -90.